Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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