you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
