Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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