I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
