News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
