watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
