y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
