Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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