I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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