First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
