she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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