Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
