The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
