Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize