she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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