I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
