Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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