That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
