I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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