so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
