Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
