he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
