she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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