I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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