i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have already put on my inside pants.
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