Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to sanitize my soul.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
