Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
