I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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