Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
