i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
