I want to make a zoo with you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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