My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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