I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
