Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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