It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
