Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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