She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
