hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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