Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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