hell yes lets make some ravioli
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
