the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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