My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
