I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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