Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
