how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
