margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
