isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
