I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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