Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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