Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
