is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
