Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
