so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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