Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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