i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
