i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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