You're completely useless in the revolution.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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