Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
