3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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