...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
