Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
