his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
