i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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