dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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