I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
