he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
