One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
