Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
