dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
