After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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