Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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