FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
