I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
