do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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