his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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