Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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