FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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