Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
