hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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