We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just had sex bonerless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize