I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
