so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
