I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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