Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
