at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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