She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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