remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
