He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
