So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
