You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
