I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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