When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
