Do vagina's smell?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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