what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
