I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
