she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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